This is a question that men have struggled with since the invention of texting. How long should I wait to text her back after a date? Is there a perfect ratio of “I’m interested and want to see you again” and “I’m desperate and need to know if you like me now”?
Unfortunately, there is no one correct answer as women may interpret signals differently. There are some good tactics to know though when deciding how long you should wait until you text her back as well as what kind of text message to send.
Types of Text Messages After a Date
First things first, before we dive into how long you should wait to text her back, let’s talk about the types of texts you should be sending in the first place.
There are four general categories of texts you can send:
The “Hey” Text
Easy and not expecting too much, can be used to start a conversation without much commitment. It’s comfortable and casual, which makes it perfect for situations where you’re not sure what to say next. However, its low-commitment nature also means it can come across as flirty or even desperate if overused. Be ready to initiate the conversation if you sent over the initial ‘hey’. There’s nothing worse than a conversation falling flat after ‘hey’, ‘what are you up to?’
The “Thinking Of You / I Miss You” Text
This text communicates that you’re thinking of the recipient without being too forward or expecting a long conversation back. It’s a great way to stay in touch without being overly needy, and effortlessly lets the recipient know you are interested and have them on your mind. Everyone feels flattered to know they occupy a potential partner’s thoughts throughout the day.
The “Have Some Time To Chat?” Text
This text is when you’re wanting to have a bit more conversation but are still being respectful of her time. If she responds positively, it’s a good sign she’s interested and wants to get to know you more. It’s best to keep it light and flirty as well as a great opportunity to ask any questions so you can not only get to know her better, but also let her know you are interested in learning more about her.
Feel free to share information about yourself so you seem like an interesting person and have other things going on in your life besides waiting for her text. Some good conversation starters:
What do you look for in a partner?
What are your hobbies?
What shows/books do you enjoy?
What do you do for work?
What did want you to be when you were little?
What were you like in high school?
What’s your favorite …
How do you envision your life in 5 years?
Where have you traveled to/would like to travel to?
The “Let’s Make Plans” Text
When you’re ready to take things to the next level and decide to ask her out on a date. It’s best to have something already planned if it’s your first few dates, as well as a flexible date and time. It doesn’t need to be anything overly dramatic– just a simple location, date and time, and an invitation for her to join you. Don’t ask her out and then go back and forth asking each other, ‘what do you want to do?’.
Now that we’ve got that out of the way, let’s get into when you should text her back.
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So How Long Should I Wait To Text Her Back?
The Three Day Rule is Dead
If you’ve ever been ghosted, you know how frustrating it can be trying to figure out what went wrong. Did they lose interest? Did they meet someone else? Are they just really busy? The three day rule was created as a way to combat ghosting by giving the other person space to respond without seeming too needy or clingy.
However, in today’s age of instant gratification, the three day rule is more likely to lead to frustration than anything else. People are connected more than ever via phone, text, and social media. If someone doesn’t respond or update their socials in a few days, it’s safe to assume they are dead.
No really though, if someone doesn’t respond within a day or two, chances are they’re not interested and you’re better off moving on. Likewise, she’ll start to think the same way about you, that you’re not all that interested. Or even worse, that you stick to an unwritten pick up guide rule of waiting three days instead of arbitrarily acting on your own emotions.
If you have a good first date with someone and you know you want to pursue a relationship with them, text them when you get home, making sure they arrived home safely. Something short and sweet. It can even just be a smiley face emoji or wish them goodnight. Or better yet, ask her to text you when she gets home. Not only will it let her know that you like her, but it also shows you’re caring and concerned for her well being. It’s just a sweet touch that women love.
If you wouldn’t mind a second date some time in the future but there wasn’t an instant love connection, you can text her when you get home as well to be polite, but another text isn’t needed for a few days. Texting everyday after a date may give off the impression that you’re more interested than you are. Shooting a text near the weekend or next will keep things casual and open for a second date.
When To Ask Her Out Again
There’s no need to immediately rush for the next date, unless you’ve already discussed plans on the prior date. Let the feelings of the first date marinate a bit and the excitement to build. Waiting a week or two until going for the second date is ideal. You don’t want to be too available but she should still know you’re wanting to make this more of a regular thing, soon.
If your first date was a day time, walk in the park, type of thing– go for a romantic night out. If your first date was a night out of partying, try a day time date with some fun, casual activities planned or even a chill, cooked dinner night in. It’s best to mix things up early so the relationship doesn’t just fall into one pattern and you’re able to get to know each other in different environments.
In short, there is no perfect formula for how long to wait to text her back because every situation is different. However, a good rule of thumb is to respond shortly after the date or within 24 hours. This shows that you’re interested but not desperate, and it gives her a chance to respond at her own pace without feeling pressured.
The worst thing you can do is play cat and mouse games that will leave both parties disappointed and confused. Go with your emotions and try to gauge hers. It’s always better to take the initiative and be proactive when it comes to dating. Women love the boldness of a man going after what he wants.
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